A long time ago in a far away land there lived a wicked Internet Marketing Queen and her lovely stepdaughter, Snow White. The Queen had significant control issues and treated her large staff of trolls and wicked elves quite poorly; they endured unreasonable deadlines and expectations, and often the Queen simply discarded their work proclaiming, “I’ll just do it myself.”

The Queen realized Snow White’s marketing talents far surpassed her own, and it really got on her nerves. The Queen practiced daily visualization exercises, looking in an enchanted mirror and asking if she was the best Internet Marketer in the land. Being an enchanted but not necessarily honest mirror, it always covered its glass and stroked the Queen’s fragile self esteem.

But one day the enchanted mirror had enough brown nosing and answered the Queen, “Sure you’re one hot Internet Marketing goddess, but that stepdaughter of yours is a real smart cookie.” As you might imagine this infuriated the vain Queen, so she summoned her most loyal troll.

“Bring me the heart of Snow White,” she said.

The troll bowed and left the palace, but he felt really conflicted because he and Snow White sent text messages back and forth all the time. So he pulled out his cell phone and sent her a text.

“OMG QWN H8S U”

“WTF?”

“HED 4 WUDS”

“L8R”

“BFFL”

“BFF”

Then Snow White headed out for the deepest and darkest section of the woods because she heard the Wi-Fi signal was great out there.

Upon arriving in the darkest part of the woods she found a friendly looking cottage. Over the door a sign read “Fairyland Outsourcing”. Snow White knocked at the door, but nobody was home so she went inside.

Inside she found tiny furniture, dishes, and clothing strewn about. Snow White didn’t form any height-related prejudices against whoever might live in the cottage because she deeply believed the vertically challenged should be empowered against oppressive cultural stereotypes, but she did think they were slobs. She swept the floor, washed the dishes, and defragged the seven laptops she found in the back office.

When the seven inhabitants of the cottage returned home they were happy to see Snow White had tidied up after them. They also told her it was fine to refer to them as dwarfs because they didn’t feel their smallness should be an issue and anyway they were proud of their cultural heritage.

Snow White recognized the opportunity she had stumbled upon to move forward on a product idea she had been formulating. Although she was an exceptionally talented marketer herself, she believed in the power of synergy and knew outsourcing the details would leave her free to give the project her personal best. So before the end of the day Snow White and the seven outsourcing dwarfs had entered into a JV and set a launch date.

It wasn’t long before the Queen heard the buzz about Snow White’s new product. She knew it had the potential to really dominate her niche, and she got really jealous. She was also pretty ticked because the troll hadn’t killed Snow White so she fired her entire staff saying, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.”

The Queen disguised herself as an old crone and had no trouble finding the little cottage in the dark woods. The dwarfs still had day jobs working for a large entertainment conglomerate, so Snow White was home alone.

“Buy an apple from a poor old woman?” she croaked when Snow White answered the door.

Although Snow White was trying to cut back on carbs, she justified the apple on the grounds of the old woman’s distressed economic state and obvious need of a more brand-conscious mentor such as herself. But when she bit into the apple, Snow White instantly fell into a deep, deep sleep.

When the seven dwarfs returned home and found Snow White laid out like she was dead they went right to work. They Googled a freelance prince who came and broke the spell in exchange for a backlink to one of their PR6 blogs.

The Queen was so angry when she heard what happened she started a comment spam campaign to undermine Snow White’s online authority, but got her own domain blacklisted instead. She also resorted to some black hat SEO tricks to steal Snow White’s traffic, but before long the Queen’s website disappeared forever in the Google sandbox.

All this publicity increased the buzz about Snow White’s new product and her launch was a big success. Soon the seven dwarfs were able to quit their day jobs and Snow White became a regular speaker on the Internet Marketing seminar circuit. So of course everyone lived happily ever after.