Once upon a time there was an up-and-coming Internet Marketer named Goldilocks. One bright morning she ventured into the deep dark woods to peddle her wares. Goldilocks had written her own sales copy already but after walking around in the woods awhile she became tired of her copy’s low conversion rates and decided to have some new copywriting done.

Just when the hot afternoon sun started making her tired, Goldilocks came across a cottage with a large sign hanging over the door. The sign read “Copywriters for Hire” so she decided to knock on the door. But nobody was home.

“I am very sleepy,” she thought. “I’m sure nobody will mind if I wait inside. Perhaps I could take a nap.”

Inside the cottage, Goldilocks noticed there were three of nearly everything. One big. One medium-sized. And one small.

“How odd,” she said. However, Goldilocks was very tired and decided to take a rest in the biggest chair.

But as soon as she sat down loud music started playing and a voice came over a loudspeaker. “Buy, buy, buy!” it yelled loudly. “Limited quantities, and the price will be going up, up, up!” Goldilocks jumped up from the chair.

“Oh my goodness!” she cried. “That’s the biggest bunch of hype and hoopla I ever did hear!”

Goldilocks took a seat on the middle-sized chair to catch her breath. But somewhat to her disappointment, nothing happened. As a matter of fact, it was so quiet she could hear crickets chirping outside. Her mind wandered and soon she forgot why she had even set out into the forest in the first place. Tired as she was, Goldilocks grew bored and decided to move on.

The third chair was smaller than the rest but Goldilocks didn’t see anywhere else to sit so she decided to give it a shot.

“Hmm,” she thought. “The seat is pretty comfortable. Not too hard, but not too soft either.”

Just then a pillow appeared on the back of the chair. She rested her head against it. Next an ottoman appeared from nowhere. She put her feet up on it. Right after that, a glass of champagne appeared on a stand beside the chair.

“Now this chair knows how to treat a lady!” she said. And she guzzled the glass of champagne right down.

But it was late in the afternoon and Goldilocks hadn’t had a bite to eat all day.

“I am so very hungry,” she thought. So she ventured into the kitchen to find some food. Now, the champagne had made her a little tipsy so she didn’t trust her eyes at first. But across the kitchen there appeared to be a table with three steaming bowls of soup.

Being hungry, Goldilocks made a beeline for the largest bowl. She peered down into the bowl and noticed it was alphabet soup. Not only that, but the letters seemed to be spelling out some message.

She read, “If this soup doesn’t make you three times more full, we’ll double your crackers back and throw in a bonus spoon.”

Goldilocks pushed the bowl of soup away in disgust.

“If that isn’t the biggest crock of cliches I ever have seen!” she exclaimed.

Goldilocks looked into the second bowl. It had words alright, but she really couldn’t understand what they were trying to say.

“I just don’t know what you want me to do,” she told it as she moved on to the smaller bowl.

“Wouldn’t you like some nice warm soup?” read the letters in the third bowl.

“Why, yes. Yes I would,” Goldilocks said. Then she ate the soup right down.

Still a little drunk off the champagne and now full of the alphabet soup, Goldilocks decided to go upstairs and take a little nap. When she opened the door to the bedroom she surveyed the room and saw three beds, a big bed, a middle-sized bed, and a smaller bed.

“My momma didn’t raise no dummy,” she said. “I ain’t gonna go through all that again.”

And with that she dove onto the smaller bed and had a nice nap.

When the copywriters arrived home, just as she suspected there was a big one, a medium-sided one, and a smaller one. And I don’t need to tell you which one she hired to write her new sales copy!

Goldilocks took her new sales copy home and posted it on her blog. The low-pressure yet emotionally appealing copy was Stumbled immediately and quickly shot to the front page of Digg.com. Her sales conversions skyrocketed, so of course she lived happily ever after.